Thoughts of a Loyal Betrayer

I have written this poem to reflect the thoughts of a betrayer- how he can never be called loyal , how he has to misplace someone’s loyalty, how he has to gain people’s trust only to lose it in the end :

What purpose do I serve?
I am astonished how my fate has curved!
I came to these people, acting as if feeble;
they cared for me as if I was one of their own,
To my true purpose, however, they were unknown.

Everyday to crush them I tried,
Loyal to my lord, in my mind, my purpose was inscribed!
With each passing day and dreadful night,
with my true self I had to fight!
I had to show them, I was their kindred,
Had to neglect my nature, I was burdened!

What has happened to me ? I am turning like them!
Following their steps, forgetting my aim !
It’s time to cut the pretence,
Follow my orders, hence
With pain in my heart;
I finished my part.
I was rewarded for my loyalty,
Loyalty-Or was it disguised necessity!
Every night my heart still cries :
Why but loyal is not the word for my life!
Is it the right place where my loyalty lies?